Just how true is the statement above?
Well, It's easy to be an absolute sweetheart. Sugar coating is fun!
Be sweet, and friendly, smile a lot, be carefree, be playful and coy, whatev.
If you don't know how to sugar coat, look around you, it's every where!
The giant world of media and commercialism already paved the way to fakeness;
All you gotta do is follow the trend.
Want people to like you? buy this, wear that, use this, listen to this kind of music, then act like that. It's fun, yeah but it has a draining feeling to it, like it'll suck up all your juices lol. And sometimes I even ask myself, why do I even bother? Maybe because deep down I do have a Monica Geller complex
"I've got this uncontrollable need to please people!!" LOL!
(people I like)
And when I get all quiet, and lost, and more like myself..
It's so darn hard to explain why, and how there is no normal excuse for it, at all.
I fear that people would start thinking there's something wrong, because it is a perfect start for a hot gossip.
I've weirded myself out way too many times and the least I would want is an insult to injury
In my case, I am not a snob, nor am I upset, nor am I the type to hold grudges.
But there are times when I just want to drift, and float, and fade away even just for a bit, ya know?
But for some cosmic luck, I have found souls who doesn't mind my presence.. and the lack thereof.
Which is why I love, love, love my friends so much, words cannot express my gratitude!
How they make me feel like it is okay to be MIA.
And how much I am welcomed when I'm ready for some action.
It's awkward explaining myself to other people, and this is just the tip of the iceberg..
Under the MBTI pool, I have an ISFP personality, and we're dealing with just the "I" part of it, don't want to get started with the S, F and P LOL!
Funny, the world teaches you how to be good, and how to conform to society in order to be accepted.
But no one ever teaches you how to be yourself. All they ever say is, Be yourself.
Be yourself, it's cliche, it's annoying, it's too general.
But you tell me, HOW? is this a nature - nurture thing? No one tells you what to do.
Self discovery is a continuous process and it goes on for the rest of your life.
Just a tip though, try to understand yourself first, and your quirks, what makes you work.
When you've figured yourself out, even just a little, then that's the only time when you've to accept yourself.
DO NOT accept yourself first without understanding why you have this certain oddity because you will only hurt the ones you love, and you don't want that.
So, enough with the untimely, unkawaii, rant!
NOT DONE! Well here's what happened.
I was inside the cubicle when I overheard some girls talking about me.
I don't know them but I waited for the lot to exit before I made mine.
And just my luck, when I got out of the wash room, there they are, still talking about me.
With guys this time, their expressions were priceless of course, when they saw me and how I was there the whole time! But it was a weird feeling, iono.
i can only hope they won't feel guilty cause I hate getting sympathy from people I don't give shit about. I rather they own up to what they said.. it wasn't entirely mean, I mean.. one of the girls thought I was Korean who speaks Korean at work and by Korean.. I think she must have heard me speaking Minion language, haha!
So I walked away as casually as I can like, see all the fucks I give?!
But I wanted to tell someone about it, but it'll make me look like I care about what others think about me, which is LAME! Not that I do.. specially if the feedback is just from mindless faces in the crowd. But what happens if it gets to someone I like, ya know? or if it gets to people who've yet to know to me. I don't get myself attached nor do I allow myself to like people but when I do, oh gosh, that would only mean that I really like you! and it would suck major bonkers if I lose someone I like aka a favorite to a stupid rumor.
This is why I stick to my buddies, people who knows and accepts me.
It's like I have to be near someone I am close to in order for me to function err blend in okay. This is not something that's me all the time of course, I can manage on my own just that sometimes it gets bad and all I know is the person I'm closest to. It's just that I feel like I need to be within a trusted presence when I'm in a room full of people who I have to maintain good (professional) relationships with. I don't want to be picked out as the loner girl, or antisocial, I mean I'm making a conscious effort and I want to be better.
I have a friend who I am very close to, who recently resigned and let me tell you she's been my anchor for the longest time, like I can take her anywhere with me and it's okay, and we talk about stuff, silly and serious shit.. and now she's not here anymore and I feel a little lost? Now the other girl who I'm closest to sits at the back and I can't sit with her. You know what happens when introverts sit at the back? We build nations! in other words, no work gets done! And the next person I'm closest to is sitting in a very people oriented, critical area and it's also a big nono for social pariah like myself. So I thought I'd sit somewhere in the middle, which is working so far but ugh PAOLA COME BACK :((((((((((((((
THIS SUCKS! well anyway, I'm not going to dwell on it. It can't be helped, I guess.
It's like, the more you try to fall back and fade out, all the more you get noticed.
So this post needs some good vibes! I feel terrible about this super long entry just cause I overheard some people talking about me, it wasn't all shit even, I just hate the fact that I'm being talked about. That's real mature, Nicole, why won't you grow up? Ugh. AND THIS POST SOUNDS LIKE I'M TRYING TO JUSTIFY MYSELF FOR BEING MYSELF LIKE IT'S A CRIME BUT IT'S NOT, I JUST WANT TO WRITE ABOUT IT CAUSE I HAVE SO MANY FEELS #NOCAPSNOPASSION.
HATE FREE ZONE!
On a lighter, cuter note, I need a phone upgrade!
But I am still so much in love with mine atm! But I really need a better machine.
The Xperia ones are really attractive, design and affordability-wise.
I spray painted one of my cases pink today so now I can use my Kyary cappy!
And say hi to my ultimate favorite shounen bishie, Yamaken-kun!
Anyone here who watches Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun? If you haven't then you've to watch!!!
Oh gosh, it's practically one of my favorite anime shows, so far! along with Kamisama Hajimemashita!
Close up needs a cat! See how my icons are all Maruneko?? Not telling how, hihi!
I kid! send me an email if you want 'em :)
And my nails for the past week, which didn't last long, which is okay, I guess.. cause they were pretty cheap.
I just really don't have the time to do my nails anymore, and it's utterly depressing, I tell you. And to think I used to do my nails at work, now I can't even! #hatework.
There are times when I have so much stuff going on inside my head and I don't want to bother you or anyone with it, so I'll just sit here and be quiet and lovely while doing my thing. And I swear this only happens on occasions when I feel like I've put myself out in the open for too long, or when I'm starting to miss myself, or when I feel horribly ugly. And this I ask in the sweetest way possible, please don't be mad, and don't forget me and please understand cause when I get back and when I'm tired of dreaming, I promise to be super awesome again and am definitely gonna make it up to you.
